How to Boost your Confidence: Skills That Can Transform Your Life

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  • Post last modified:06/01/2024

Building skill of confidence

Creating skills of confidence is most important to have better achievements. This post was inspired by the podcast episode 46 Building Unstoppable Confidence from Mel Robbins Podcast, a world-leading expert who teaches confidence and studies the neuroscience behind it.


Why is it important to build confidence?

Because it can open up opportunities for a better job, promotion, higher pay, more popularity, or enhance your ability to influence others positively. In the upcoming sections, you’ll discover five fantastic tools to help you develop and boost your confidence skills.

Imagine how your life could truly transform if you possessed an abundance of confidence. Just think about the incredible opportunities you would embrace and the risks you would bravely undertake, both in business and in your personal life. Picture yourself making better choices, fearlessly pushing past any obstacles that stand in your way. Have you ever wondered what it would be like to finally do all those things you know deep down you should be doing, but are currently held back by fear?

People say I don’t feel confident! But confidence is not a feeling. 

The definition of confidence, provided by Mel Robbins is simple:

Confidence is the willingness to try.

It is an action of someone open to making mistakes along the way. I checked it also with, where I found a similar definition.

Simply- being confident means that you know you can handle the emotional outcome of whatever you are facing.

How do you create confidence?

When you are willing to try to do something, you create a confidence competence loop. You may be good or bad at it at first, but you always learn something. The more you do, the better you get. Then the task becomes easier. The more you try, the less resistance you have and this is where confidence starts to show. 

Everyone starts as a beginner with nothing to show at point zero. No matter what it is: building social media followers, writing a book, driving a car or building an email list. 

The more you take action, the easier it becomes for your brain and body to do it. This is where the confidence competence loop comes into play, making it feel effortless and much simpler.

Later in the podcast, Mel Robbins burst 3 myths about confidence. Those are:

  1.  Confident people are always the loudest and most extroverted in the room. But confidence has nothing to do with who you are. You could be an introvert who builds a skill and knows that you don’t need to prove anything to anybody. As it is a skill you can build, later in this article you 5 tools provided by Mel Robbins, that will help you to build it.
  2. You become confident when you are winning. Not true as confidence isn’t built when life is easy. It’s a skill built in the moments when it is hard. It is built when you have to do things you haven’t done before. But you are willing to try.
  3. You can’t lose confidence. Instead, you just blocked the feeling of it, because you stopped trying. But as it is a skill you can build, you just need to start again willing to try.

What I found most important in this podcast was 5 tools provided by Mel Robbins, to build a skill of confidence.

No surprises here, take action, just do it. 

  1. Use the 5 second rule. Mel Robbins is the inventor of it. In essence, when you feel like you need or want to do something, you need to take immediate action. You have to start counting backwards 5-4-3-2-1 and physically move towards what you want to do. That gives you a little bit of courage to do it and confidence comes later. Highly recommend Mels’ book called” 5 Second Rule” where she explains more science behind it.
  2. Use the power of objectivity. Make it less personal by creating a vision of the confident future you want to become. And NOW act as the future you that you want to become. 
  3. Use preparation and rehearsal.  The more you practise, the more you try, the more confident you become. Prepare for what could happen. This way you lower your stress, because your mind and nervous system know what’s coming and how to deal with it.
  4. Use mindset reframe. Everything you do in your life prepares you for what hasn’t happened yet. Bigger goals and bigger challenges. 
  5. Focus on you. Despite having friends and family, you go through life alone. There will be a time when there isn’t anybody around you. Other people have their lives and challenges to battle, and nobody cares about you more than you do. 

This is a short summary of an hour-long podcast episode, but if you want to listen for yourself, here is a link to this episode

Before you go let me know what you think about it. This subject from a neuroscience perspective can be boring, but Mel explained it in the easiest possible way. Do you agree with her definition of confidence? Are you willing to try? Which is your favourite tool to boost your confidence?

I believe in you!

This Post Has 25 Comments

  1. steve Moore

    Was talking to my brother recently about us not having a lot of confidence boosting messages when we were growing up, I have tried all sorts of things to boost confidence and remove the negative thoughts which maybe hold me back a bit in some areas, I have found that positive self talk has a positive affect on me, I have it on an app and play it 40 minutes a day while I do other stuff.
    steve Moore recently posted…Diary of my exploits in the world of affiliate marketingMy Profile

  2. Denny Medeiros

    Hi Tom, that was an incredible read, thank you! It helped me understand confidence in a more accurate and practical way. There are a few things I lack confidence in I am working on. With this understanding it helps a lot! I will listen to Mel’s podcast too. Thanks again. looking forward to your next post! take care.
    Denny Medeiros recently posted…Now That’s an Explosive Start 🤯My Profile

    1. Tom

      Hi Denny,
      glad you understand where the problem is and how to solve it.
      Practising and using the 5-second rule changed my confidence.
      Highly recommend you listen to the full episode.
      Have a good time.

  3. Nakina Lawson

    I really like the idea that I can build my confidence in a new task by doing it. I thought I would have to become better at the skill before I could become confident. Looking at the science behind confidence, in theory, I could build confidence just by trying over and over again. This is very intriguing! Thanks for sharing!
    Nakina Lawson recently posted…Alex Jeffreys Gave Me Some AdviceMy Profile

    1. Tom

      I am glad you found this post intriguing.
      There are a lot of studies about it, but I just pick up what resonates with me.
      Easy concept for a difficult problem. Without action we are stuck. And some people are stuck for their entire life.
      Let’s change it, one person at a time.
      To your success.

  4. Tony Simms

    Your blog post is a wonderful read. I particularly found Mel Robbins’ insights, like the 5-second rule and the confidence competence loop, very helpful.

    You do a good job of providing a clear and engaging summary, making these complex ideas much easier for me to understand.

    It’s inspiring to think about the potential for growth and self-improvement through these practical steps.

    Thanks for the tips and encouragement.

    Keep sharing such valuable content!”

    1. Tom

      Grat to hear that Tony.
      I had real doubts about creating that post. Im ade the notes for myself first.
      Then decided to post. Your kind words encurage me to do more of it.
      Thank you.
      You made my day!

  5. Alan Lim

    Actually, sometimes people are loud not because they are confident. They are loud so that they can cover up their insecurity.

    By the way, I love the diagram you create. Did you use any software?

    1. Tom

      I agree with you, Alan.
      Yes, people sometimes make too much noise to cover it up.
      But confidence can be easily built if you know how. I found that the 5-second rule works great. Our mind tries to protect us, so when we come up with some idea and are ready to work on it, within a second the same brain pulls the handbrake on it and stops us from taking action, with this all questions: what if…
      There where 5 sec rule comes into play, stops this internal voice, and when you reach number one, you just take action. For a better explanation find a TEDx talk with Mel Robbins, she explains all this within the last 3 minutes of that video. Here it is

      For graphics, I use SketchWow, it’s an easy-to-use program, paid but well worth the money.

      Hope that helps.

      1. Alan Lim

        Thank you for the resources. It certainly helps.

        1. Tom

          No problem, any time.

  6. Michael Holt

    Hi Tom,
    Great job at summarizing and encapsulating the Mel’s insights here in regards to confidence.

    I actually define confidence as “Taking action in the face of fear”, which while similar to Mel’s definition, has a little different twist to it.

    My favorite tool in building confidence is a bit out of the ordinary, I must prepare you. As a follower of Christ Jesus, He is my source of strength. So as I get to know His Word better, with encouragements the likes of “I can do all things through Him who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:13), my confidence is boosted on an ongoing basis. When I lack confidence, I go to Him in prayer, asking for strength and for perspective outside of my own, and though it is not always done in a way I might expect, He answers, and my confidence grows.

    1. Tom

      Thank you Michael,
      I made the notes for myself but then decided to spread the word to help others.
      Now when I see how many people gained from it, decided to do more.
      Thank you for a quote from the Bible, very powerful. I also use prayers along with breathing techniques to build mine.
      Have a good day!

  7. CJ

    Tom, confidence is vital to success and you are correct it is not an emotion. The good news is that it can be a skill we learn and grow in. I know for myself that as I counter things my confidence grows and the more I flex that muscle the more I am willing to take risks and the more I’m willing to get and try again when I don’t succeed.
    I have saved the link to the podcast and I’m very interested in it. Currently I am going through all of Tony Robins training on the power of the mind. It is fascinating study and has become a favorite topic to study and learn.

    Again thanks for sharing.

    1. Tom

      Great CJ,
      the more you train the bigger the gain.
      There is a famous quote from John C. Maxwell: Fail Early, Fail Often but Always Fail Forward.
      Knowing that confidence is a skill, not an emotion helps to develop it. Then is just a matter of repetition.
      All the best.

  8. Marc

    Great post Tom,
    As you mention, having confidence isn’t just about being the loudest! I can remember when I started doing presentations, I was told so many times how “confident” I seemed to be — and yet was shaking inside like you wouldn’t believe!
    One mentor I was working with at the time gave me a fantastic lead-in when it came to talking in front of people: imagine the front row either in clown suits or naked! It sure kept a smile on my face and so many times people would ask me how I kept smiling all the time! (must have been the red noses!)

    1. Tom

      Great tip, I like that.
      The worst thing is when during presentations people avoid eye contact and either look above the audience’s heads or in their notes, if they have one.
      I found that after just a couple of minutes since I started talking, I got calmer and felt more relaxed. And with a good audience then you can thrive.
      Glad for your visit.

  9. Ernie

    WOW! I truly learned from this post! Thank YOU! I plan to reread it and check out the podcast. Self-Confidence with anything, especially trying something new, can be a barrier if not addressed. So, in the spirit of this post…5,4,3,2,1 off I go today to try something new with a new perspective on being mindful! on what I can accomplish!
    Ernie recently posted…Fresh StartsMy Profile

    1. Tom

      Great Ernie!
      Mission accomplished. If that post helps at least one person to get more confidence, I am happy.
      I listened to one more interesting episode about manifestation, will share about this shortly.
      Make sure you come back to check it 🙂

  10. Katrin

    I’ve also listened to that specific episode of Mel’s a couple of times. It’s so good! Confidence is all about taking action. If you’re gonna wait to have confidence before you move, you’ll never go anywhere.

    Great post 🙂

    1. Tom

      Thanks Katrin,
      I was wondering if this would be valuable to anyone. I made the notes for myself but decided to share. And creating a post and graphics was a lot of fun.
      All the best!

  11. Jon Wesley Bowman

    Thanks for the little hookup on Mel Robins insight . I think for me just trying things and figuring them builds my confidence. Will be checking back in the future .

    1. Tom

      Great to see you Jon.
      I like to listen to Mel Robbins’s podcast while I am driving—her tone of voice and the knowledge she shares.
      She was in the top 5 most listened to podcasts so I am not the only true fan of Mel.
      There are more valuable posts to come so visit often.

  12. Atif Perwiz

    Tom, a great post and on a very important topic. Many people including me suffer from lack of confidence. What I have learnt is that if someone else can do it why can’t I. The worst that can happen is that it doesn’t work. The 5 second rule is amazing, once you are over the initial hurdle the world is your oyster. Many thanks for your wise words. Take care, Atif

    1. Tom

      Hi Atif,
      I am glad you found it useful. I made the notes of it for myself but then realised I can be valuable to others, hence the post.
      Also preparing graphics and writing a post helped me to ingrain it in my brain.
      All the best.

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